A woman sleeps on the park bench across the street from your child’s favourite playground. A man with a cardboard sign stands on the median outside your family car at a red light. Tarps and tents are set up beneath the bridge you use to take your kids to school. Whether or not you are talking to your kids about homelessness, they are noticing it all around them.
With homelessness more prevalent than ever in Canada, initiating a conversation with your child about this complicated topic is necessary. Discussing homelessness is a great opportunity to teach your child about compassion, human dignity, and as the apostle John put it, loving others “with actions and in truth” (1 John 3:18).
Becoming imitators of God
Some people live on the street because of unfortunate situations that are no fault of their own. Others make poor choices that lead them to homelessness. But it’s not so black and white – most unhoused people fall in the grey, somewhere in between these two extremes. Regardless of a person’s history, it’s important that, as Christian parents and therefore “imitators of God” (Ephesians 5:1), we try to nurture compassion in our children’s hearts for those who find themselves without a permanent home.
God’s Word is filled with examples of God showing compassion to the poor. God gave the Israelites direct laws regarding the needy in Deuteronomy 15; the Psalms and Proverbs urge readers to give generously; and Jesus frequently emphasized care for the poor. Because God so clearly has compassion for the poor, imitators of God ought to have the same quality.
But here’s a tough pill to swallow: if you aren’t actively growing compassion in yourself (and by extension, in your child), your family will likely gravitate towards fear, confusion, and judgement towards the unhoused. Compassion doesn’t always come naturally (not even for Christians!) and having an honest conversation about homelessness might be just what your children need to form it. However, finding the right words to help kids form a compassionate attitude about such a complex subject can be tricky.
Finding the right words
Let your child’s natural curiosity lead the conversation about homelessness. Open the discussion by asking, “Did you see that person on the street today?” or “Have you noticed those tents on our way to school? What are your thoughts about that?” Just like with any complicated issue, kids will gain from simple and honest answers: “Some people in our community don’t have a home, and not having a home makes life very hard.” If homelessness is not visible in your community, ask them what they have learned online, in school, or from media about this topic.
Your child’s next question will very likely be along the lines of why people don’t have homes. As you discuss, try to highlight that there are many factors that lead to homelessness: not having a job, not being able to afford a home, or a harmful or hurtful environment in the person’s home that made them feel like they needed to get away. Ask your child questions to encourage them to think critically and empathetically:
What is so great about us having somewhere to live, cook, and sleep?
How would being unhoused make it hard to find a job?
Where might a person end up if their house isn’t a safe place?
How would you feel if you did not have a house to live in?
Professionals who work with the unhoused often use the image of a three-legged stool as a framework to demonstrate why people end up living on the street – kids might find this a helpful illustration. The three legs of the stool represent financial stability, housing affordability, and healthy relationships. When one leg of the stool is removed, things become unstable. When two or three legs are removed, the stool can’t stand at all. A person’s life can collapse in the same way, and sometimes, they end up without a home because of it. Some children will have endless questions at this point in the conversation, while others might be satisfied with ending the talk here – both are OK.
As you discuss why homelessness happens, take a moment to reassure kids that they will not end up living on the street if their household is on a budget, if they are moving or downsizing, or if there are relationship tensions in the home. Explain that these are normal life challenges the adults in their life are equipped to deal with. Avoid leading them to believe that obstacles in these areas (money, housing, and relationships) will automatically result in homelessness and make sure they understand that you will provide for their needs.
Discussing substance misuse
In Canada, it’s clear that substance misuse is a piece of the puzzle when it comes to the homelessness crisis. Your child may have witnessed an unhoused person behaving in a way that they find shocking or abnormal, and they may not understand that substance misuse is contributing to that behaviour. If your kids are mature enough to handle this heavy truth and you’ve had previous conversations about drugs and addiction, it might be helpful to bring the topic up. Try asking questions like:
Why might having an addiction make it hard to have a job?
Why might having an addiction make it hard to pay rent or a mortgage?
Why might having an addiction make it hard to have healthy relationships?
Do you think having an addiction creates a stable or unstable life? Why?
Does God want to help people who are addicted to drugs? (Yes!)
While these simple questions cannot fully explain the complex relationship between addiction and homelessness, they will get your child thinking about how addiction impacts all areas of life and help them to have compassion for those who have addiction as a part of their story. If you have your own questions about substance misuse, try browsing Focus on the Family Canada’s resources about addiction.
Finding answers together
Children are curious. After you bring up the topic of homelessness, you might find that your kids have even more questions, many of which have answers too heavy or complex for a child to grasp. For example, your child or teen might ask:
Why don’t they just stop using drugs?
Why don’t they just get a job?
Why don’t they just live with a friend or in a shelter?
Why do they behave in that way?
Why don’t they accept the help offered to them?
Don’t panic if your child asks these questions (or other ones) that you don’t know how to answer. Parents can always say “I don’t know – but we can find out together.” If your child has insensitive or uncompassionate comments about this topic, try saying “We don’t always know a person’s whole story” or “God has grace for us, so we can have grace for others, even when their behaviour doesn’t make sense to us.”
Families should seek answers to their tough questions together, and one of the best ways to do so is through real-life experiences. Serving those who are unhoused will help your children better understand the complex answers to their “why?” questions, and most of all, serving will grow their compassion for those living on the street. There are plenty of safe and helpful ways that families can serve together. Here are some suggestions:
Volunteer to serve in a homelessness ministry in your community. These ministries often accept children as volunteers in behind-the-scenes roles when accompanied by a parent. Don’t just show up – be sure to fill out any volunteer applications online beforehand.
Have your kids raise money to donate to a homelessness ministry or drug recovery program in your community.
Make donations to a local food or clothing bank. Call ahead to ask what the greatest needs are.
Create “blessing bags” with gift cards, socks, gloves, non-perishable snacks, and toiletries to give out when unhoused people approach you. Include a handwritten note about God’s love for the recipient.
Find out if your church is connected with a local homelessness ministry or food bank and offer to serve.
When safe to do so, acknowledge them with a smile or greeting.
Discussing a topic as complicated as homelessness with children can be difficult, especially when you’d rather just hope they don’t notice it. But children are observant, curious, and not always able to muster up compassion for those who look or behave in ways they find confusing. Because of this, it’s worthwhile to have these discussions – they will help children make sense of the world and see those who live on the street with a kinder, better-informed, and more compassionate perspective.
Camryn Munday is an associate editor at Focus on the Family Canada.
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