When I was dating my future husband, Scott, my dad sent a card with some helpful advice. He wrote, "Don’t look to him to fulfill your needs – get to know who he is." I read it, smiled and did precisely the opposite.

Before I met Scott, I was an unhappy single. Though only in my early 20s, I felt lonely and longed for the companionship and stability that a committed mate would bring.

When Scott and I began dating, he seemed to fill that role perfectly. A veritable Prince Charming, Scott was constantly surprising me with cards, flowers and romantic dates. We talked for hours on end, and he made me feel understood, cherished and loved. Finally I’d met someone who seemed to perfectly fulfill me.

Unrealistic expectations

So I came into marriage assuming Scott would continue to meet all my needs. We’d only been married a couple of hours when it became obvious I’d expected more of him than was realistic.

"You mean one of your buddies is driving us to our honeymoon suite?" I asked him before leaving the reception. "I thought you would’ve arranged for more private, romantic transportation."

That’s when the wedding bells stopped ringing and warning bells sounded off. It turns out Scott couldn’t bring me lasting happiness after all.


After we’d been married a few months, I started to realize what my dad’s counsel meant and what I’d known subconsciously all along.

As part of God’s design for marriage, He had chosen my husband to meet some, but not all, of my needs. Because of this, I needed to recognize God as my all-sufficiency.

It’s taken some time, but I’ve learned to let God fill me first and allow my husband to add to my overflowing cup. This has relieved the pressure Scott always felt to try to make me happy. This change has not only brought us closer together as a couple, but it’s drawn me closer to God as well.

Nicole was enjoying her third year of marriage to Scott at the time of publication.

© 2007 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

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