Question: When we first married, my husband and I were so in love. Now, though we still love each other, our relationship just isn’t as exciting. Why is that?


Great question. Nearly every couple that has been married for a while experiences a letdown. It’s easy to compare the excitement of your honeymoon and newlywed life to the daily humdrum of your marriage now. You probably see a big difference. When you consider the conflicts, miscommunications, stresses, annoyances and hurt feelings that may have occurred in your marriage over time, it’s no wonder the thrill of the early days has diminished.

You can restore excitement to your marriage, however. Here are some things to consider:

  1. Expecting to regain the same level of excitement may not be realistic. Stress, careers and many other facets of married life have a way of dampening the thrill you once experienced. This doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be exciting, but it may never reach the same level of excitement it had before and shortly after your wedding.
  2. Go back to doing things that brought you together in the first place. Remember how much time you spent together, and create those opportunities again. Recall how you talked about little things almost every day, and try to rekindle those daily conversations once more. Serve each other, even when it’s not your designated duty.
  3. Evaluate your marriage. Attend a marriage seminar; read books together; take a marriage assessment. These tools will help you discover your marriage’s strengths as well as the areas that need a little maintenance. By working on those weaker areas together, you can reduce the conflicts and frustrations that inevitably spoil the excitement of marriage.

A dull relationship is not doomed. A little adjustment to your attitude and behaviour may be all you need to bring back the thrill of loving one another.

Mitch Temple was the director of Focus on the Family Colorado’s marriage department and a licensed marriage and family therapist at the time of publication.

© 2008 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved.

If you liked this article and would like to go deeper, we have some helpful resources below.

Our recommended resources

Join our newsletter

Advice for every stage of life delivered straight to your inbox

View comments ()