FocusOnTheFamily

Greying around the globe

Written by Ken Lane

“Bow lower!” my Japanese host emphatically said to me. “Unless you bow lower than Endo Sensei and hold the bow longer than he does, you will shame us both and disrespect his age!”

Wow, did I have a lot to learn about “shaking hands” in Japan. At our next stop in Korea, my host reminded me not to hand my gift to the elderly man we were meeting without first clearly touching my other hand to my elbow to show respect and politeness.

The outward demonstration of respect toward the aged is obvious in other cultures as well. The wai (well-being) greeting of Thailand, as well as the namaste (respect for others) greeting of India, allows the elder person in the exchange to exert the least amount of effort. Other cultures have placed great value on those who embody the wisdom and memory of the culture by virtue of their age. And the value they have for their elderly shapes the way they behave. Yet, in North America, such clear and obvious displays of respect for the older generations are strangely absent. In our culture, we seem to honour the now and disavow the past.

In a clever piece of writing by Horace Miner titled The Body Ritual of the Nacirema, Miner uses the austere language of an anthropological paper to describe a North American people group and their bizarre body preservation habits. Miner is actually commenting upon American(s), which is Nacirema spelled backward. The present-day reality of the cult of youthfulness and the efforts to stave off aging at all costs leave a deep cultural impression that growing old has no place in American society.

When my wife and I lived in Russia, we learned that the “babushka” (grandmother or old lady) is granted the highest deference. She is allowed to comment on anything in any way she sees fit. On more than one occasion, we, as young parents at the time, were given a full lecture on not dressing our toddler warmly enough. During one such encounter with a babushka, my wife simply surrendered, Ya znayu, Ya znayu (I know, I know). The babushka strongly replied, “You know nothing!” As awkward and frustrating as the exchange was, the babushka expected to still have a voice among the younger generation of parents. Is there not a faint echo here of Titus 2, where older women encourage the younger to love their children?

Sometimes the mere physical phenomenon of aging has its cultural benefits. For example, take my friend Lewis who was a missionary in Indonesia. Even though his hair was thinning on top, he was not grey until he let his beard grow. Once the Islamic people saw his grey, they revered him as a man of great wisdom. The beard turned around his neighbours’ perception of what he had to say. Truly a grey head is a crown of glory (Proverbs 16:31).

So while North America relegates its elderly to skilled-care facilities and perpetually seeks the fountain of youth, many other cultures continue to honour the older men and women in their societies. Today, several countries in Asia hold the record for longest life expectancy, according to The World Factbook. Maybe there is a lot more to how the Asian cultures “shake hands” with elders.

Ken Lane is the senior director of Global Services at Focus on the Family in Colorado. He has lived in four different countries and travelled to more than 40 countries on five continents.

© 2007 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

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