Tony Dungy: At home and on the field

Tony Dungy: At home and on the field

Written by Jeremy V. Jones

The Indianapolis Colts were preparing for a 2003 game against the Jacksonville Jaguars in Florida when a security guard tapped the shoulder of head coach Tony Dungy.

“Coach, I’m sorry, but your son can’t be on the sideline,” the guard said.

The comment surprised Tony. Eric Dungy, then 11, had stood by his father’s side at various games since he was seven. (When it wasn’t his older brother’s turn, that is.)

Tony insisted that Eric would stay. The guard remained firm that he had to go. The players were about to take the field.
“If you remove him from this sideline, I’m taking my team to the locker room, where we’ll change and then leave on our buses,” Tony said. “You can explain to Wayne [Weaver, the Jaguars’ owner] why he’s refunding everyone’s money.”
Eric remains a regular on the Colts sidelines to this day.

Family first

Tony Dungy’s list of achievements is impressive: first African-American head coach to win a Super Bowl, winningest NFL coach since 1999, one of only three men to win Super Bowls as both player and coach (along with Mike Ditka and Tom Flores). Yet Tony’s definition of success values faithfulness to Christ and his family more than football wins.

It would be hard to contradict the NFL coach stereotype more than Tony has. He is famously calm and refuses to yell at his players, choosing instead a quiet, instructional tone. He is outspoken about his faith and unwavering in his commitment to his wife and children.

“I’ve heard it said that you had to be obsessed to win a Super Bowl,” Colts general manager Bill Polian told USA Today last year. “Tony is obsessed with nothing except his faith and his family.”

While some of his NFL counterparts regularly spend nights in their offices, Tony makes it a practice to drive his kids to or from school. The fact that he honestly told prospective bosses that football is not the most important thing in his life probably kept him from becoming a head coach sooner than 1996.

That’s OK with him. Tony is quick to point out that parenting is his most important job.

“I’ve got to spend a lot of time getting to know my children – what’s important to them, what makes them tick, what hurts them, what helps them,” he said. “And treat each one individually even though we’re all part of a team.”

Tony sees many parallels between his roles as coach and dad.

“The No. 1 [similarity] is that you think you can be absolutely clear on instructions you’ve given, and not all of the team picks up on it the same way,” Tony said. “The same [is true] in parenting. So you have to find how to communicate better. That’s what coaching is all about; that’s what parenting is all about.”

Tony’s father, Wilbur Dungy, was a hero to his son and provided a rich heritage for his children. He was one of the famed Tuskegee Airmen, the first black pilots to fly in the U.S. military, and later earned a doctorate in education. Wilbur’s outlook on education has provided guidance for Tony.

“I’ve got to find a way to get that light bulb to turn on for all 53 of my guys,” Tony said. “They’re all a little bit different, and in order for us to be a great team, I’ve got to be able to reach all 53 of them. Same way in parenting. [Each child] is a little bit different. I’ve got to find the way to reach them all, so we can be a great family.”

Setbacks and advances

As they’ve raised six children, Tony and his wife, Lauren, have had plenty of opportunities to adapt their parenting styles. They have also had plenty of ups and downs along the way. In 2000, they adjusted to their son Jordan’s congenital insensitivity to pain. (Jordan feels no pain even if reaching into a hot oven or running full speed into a brick wall.) In 2007, they celebrated when their oldest daughter, Tiara, graduated from college. But in 2005, they mourned when 18-year-old James took his own life without warning.

“It’s a pain that you’ll never totally get over,” Tony said. “But nothing is promised to us. God has given us children for a season.”

Tony, age 53, serves as a spokesman for All Pro Dad, a program of Family First that encourages and equips men to become better fathers. And every year at training camp, Tony’s first talk with his players is about the importance of making their families first priority, even before football. He makes it clear that children are always welcome around the football complex.

Tony follows his own advice. But coaching professional football is demanding, and he faces many challenges to keeping his parenting priorities.

“At times when I’m away, I miss things that just can’t be helped,” Tony said. “Fortunately, my wife does a great job of explaining that to [our kids]. I know how much time my dad spent with me. I’m not able to spend as much, so I have to try to make those times really count.”

One way to gain more time together has been for Tony to bring his children with him. For years, the Dungy kids have been regulars around the office, practice fields and game-day sidelines.

“I try to take them to work as much as I can,” Tony said, “to let them know that, as important as work is, it’s not more important than they are.”

Jeremy V. Jones is senior associate editor of Breakaway magazine.To read more about Tony Dungy, click here to purchase Quiet Strength.

© 2008 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

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