FocusOnTheFamily

Spiritual coaches: helping you experience a new friendship with God

Written by Merelyn Webber

Suppose you have been having thoughts about some things and there are some matters that have been on your heart. So, you decide to go to a favourite restaurant to have some intimate conversation with a trusted friend. When you get there, you are ushered into a quiet corner with soft lighting and lots of privacy. Your conversation is rich and satisfying. During that time, your waiter takes your order, brings you water and sends your meal back to the kitchen. At the end of the night, you thank your waiter and leave the restaurant.

When it comes to talking with God, many of us have adopted a pattern of relating to Him that looks more like the way we relate to the restaurant’s waiter than to the trusted friend across the table. We hand Him our list of needs and desires and wait for Him to serve us, all while pouring out our hearts to our friends. Eugene Peterson paints this poignant word picture in his book Run with the Horses (page 99). But what could it look like if the tables were turned? Spiritual coaches do just that, putting you and God together at the table to enjoy that rich and satisfying conversation, all while they seek to bring you your water and serve you your meal.

God knows well the things on our hearts. He would rather partner with us in the process of working them out instead of just serving up solutions. He knows that our lives do not necessarily look like what we thought they would and that life is not always a cakewalk. He did not promise that we would not encounter difficulties in life, but He did promise never to leave us nor forsake us. Our questions and need for godly interaction are endless as our identities, calling and purposes change during the different seasons of our lives. When we are intentional about spending time in His presence, He is faithful to lead us closer to understanding the mystery of our existence.

Perhaps you would find it helpful to have someone aid the process of such intimate conversation and facilitate such interchanges between you and God. Perhaps your relations with God have been broken down through hurts and disappointments and you feel you could open up with someone who was not intimately involved in your circumstances and circle of influence. Perhaps you feel that if you had someone who would not betray your confidence and could remain objective and non-judgmental about what is on your heart, you could be more transparent in your conversations with God. Perhaps you would appreciate it if someone would walk with you and seek the heart of God together with you regarding what is on your mind. Perhaps you just need someone who is a good listener, someone who is in your corner and will be equally desirous of hearing the heart of God with you on the matters on your heart.

People who hold key leadership or ministry positions often find that much of their lives are so caught up in the workings of their business or ministry that they can rarely find time to examine their own lives, sort out their thoughts and challenges, and seek the direction of God. Entering into spiritual coaching provides space not only for such introspection, but also to express important thoughts and concerns. It leaves room for God to bring clarity into life’s complexity. The greatest passion spiritual coaches have is to come alongside people and help them in their ongoing struggle to connect in a deep and real relationship with their Heavenly Father through conversation, prayer and listening for His counsel. Through this, the person can come to a place where the mysteries of God can be sought more deeply and where they can allow themselves to be known more deeply by God. All this provides rich opportunity for spiritual growth.

The relationship between a spiritual coach and an individual is not the same as that of a counsellor or therapist. Rather, the coach is more like a fellow Christian with whom the person can turn the thoughts on their minds and the matters in their hearts into conversations, then seek to gain the godly wisdom they need.

Spiritual coaches are also individuals to whom people can make themselves accountable and through whom they can find prayerful support. Life is full of distractions and complexities that can take people away from realizing the voice of God in their lives. Through regularly scheduled meetings, conversations and reflection time – either in person or over the phone – spiritual coaches are there to serve you.

Though this discipline is as ancient as the Word of God itself, know that the doors of opportunity for you to receive spiritual coaching are bourgeoning today. Traditionally, spiritual coaching has been the sole responsibility of the clergy. In recent years, the role has widened to include trained, non-ordained people, too. It comes under a variety of names. Some prefer to call it spiritual directing, others call it spiritual coaching and still others call it spiritual companionship.

People are the most valuable thing to God and He longs to have intimate relations with them. Perhaps the most valuable thing we can attend to in this life is to know God and be known by Him. Little else we do holds the promise of having more everlasting consequences. The more we know Him, the more we can know ourselves and His purposes for us. I pray that He will be faithful to His promise that if you seek Him, He will be found by you.

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