FocusOnTheFamily

Is spiritual direction for me?

Written by Graham Langmead

Almost four years ago, I moved across Canada from Montreal to Vancouver with my family to attend Regent College. I hoped to earn a Master of Divinity degree, in obedience to a call to pastoral ministry. After all the excitement of arriving at school subsided, I was suddenly faced with the reality of being in a new place, facing a rigorous and demanding academic environment. My first year was very difficult, not only academically but personally as well. I wasn’t performing as well as I thought I would academically, my family life was strained, and I felt lonely and dislocated. By the end of my first year I was fried.

As my second year approached, I sank into the deepest depression I have ever experienced. I began to see one of my professors for counselling (in 10-minute intervals!) and it was helpful, but it certainly wasn’t enough. I felt like I was sinking. I remember saying to him that it felt like God was bringing me low, and he agreed that certainly seemed to be the case. Since my issues seemed to be God-centred rather than me-centred, he suggested I see a spiritual director. He gave me the phone number of someone he knew and, with some apprehension, I made the call.

Although I had come to Vancouver in response to a call I felt God had on my life, I was still very much caught up in my own agenda, my aspirations and my future. Once I moved to Vancouver I didn’t give much more thought to the plans God had for my life. In many ways seminary has been like a crucible that God has been using to burn off my dross or, to use another metaphor, like a wheel where the Master Potter has been forming me into something useful for His kingdom purposes. God has used such diverse weaponry as Biblical Greek and Hebrew, not to mention exegesis and hermeneutics, to bring about a helpful crisis.

I don’t like being stretched because it makes me feel my weakness more keenly. Jesus says that if we want to be His disciples we must pick up our cross and follow Him. This means submitting to the process of formation. If you are being academically challenged, like I often am, the cross may be carried in front of a computer screen late at night. Or, if you are already in ministry, it may be boundary issues or struggles with personal temptation. Regardless of our particular circumstances, we are all in the ongoing process of being formed, whether that is our intention or not, and God will use all the tools at His disposal to see that that formation takes place – not only for our lives here, but also for the life to come.

So what does all this have to do with spiritual direction? For many of us, perhaps most of us, the challenges of life will draw us into deep water by challenging our assumptions, testing our limits and pulling us out of our comfort zones. The depression I experienced coming into my second year at school was brought about by the sheer weight of feeling overwhelmed. What I needed most was perspective – not so much about what I should do, but about what God might be doing in the middle of the crisis and upheaval. In my experience, spiritual direction has provided that perspective by providing insights into how God speaks in the midst of the storms of life and, maybe more importantly, how God is speaking to me. I have been able to connect with a spiritual director who has been willing to come alongside me and reflect back what he discerns God is doing and saying in the circumstances of my life. I have been blessed through being heard by a caring listener, I have gained insights into God’s character and into my character, and I have received prayers and reflections on God’s Word that have helped me to surrender more fully to the process of formation. There is a long tradition in the history of the Church of spiritual direction and mentoring; it still seems appropriate in the present to seek out all the means at our disposal to make the most out of our ongoing spiritual formation.

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