FocusOnTheFamily

From the pulpit: Four ways to encourage dads

Written by Wendy Kittlitz

One of the challenges of recognizing Father’s Day in church is the mix of experiences that people in the congregation have had with their dads. For some, their father has been the wonderful combination of friend, confidant, encourager, protector, guide and mentor that he was designed to be. For others, however, dads have been absent, or preoccupied with work, or unfaithful, or emotionally unavailable, or even abusive.

Another challenge from a pastor’s perspective is that the ultimate example of fatherhood is God – our Heavenly Father. If you are the average dad, that’s quite an example to live up to! Not to make light of God as our Father, but every man out there is going to inevitably fail if this is the standard by which he is measured.

Many men already struggle with feeling inadequate. Life presents numerous demands and there is often a fear of not being good enough. We often even hear this from pastors who themselves hear critical voices that warn them that there may be failure around the next corner.

There isn’t much that can beat the encouragement found in knowing that your dad is cheering you on; that he believes in you and is in your corner. Men who have had that experience are much more able to stand firm and secure in who they are; women who have experienced that feel affirmed and confident. Unfortunately, in my experience, more people have not had this experience than those who have.

So, how can the church encourage more dads to be this kind of positive presence in their children’s lives? How can Father’s Day be an occasion to honour and encourage dads, rather than one more time to make them feel inadequate?

1. Don’t pretend that all is rosy
Acknowledge and validate the experience that many have had: that dads are imperfect.

2. Affirm engagement
The most important – and basic – task for fathers is just being connected to their children’s lives. Remind dads that all the ways they connect positively with their kids are significant – kids hunger for it, no matter how old they are.

3. Celebrate faithfulness
Rather than telling stories about “super dads,” talk about the small but important ways you have seen men demonstrate faithfulness to their families. Raise the profile and importance of the daily examples of men being faithful in the lives of their wives and kids. Be specific and name names: “Joe coaches his son’s soccer team; Sam calls his adult kids once a week, just to ask how they’re doing; Mike plays with dolls with his new step-daughter, etc.” These dads are making a difference!

4. Be in their corner
For the male pastor in particular, let the men in your church know that you believe in them, that you will cheer them on and that you believe the best in them. Many of these dads have not heard this from other men, including their own fathers. Healing comes when another person meets our legitimate needs in legitimate ways.

Wendy Kittlitz is a registered counsellor and vice president of counselling and care ministries at Focus on the Family Canada.

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