FocusOnTheFamily

Fear around every corner

Written by Randy MacDonald

I can still remember the flood of emotions that led up to that day.

It seemed to come out of nowhere. After all, this should have been one of the best days of my life. I had just won the demolition car derby – a goal I had been working toward for the past eight years. One day I was on cloud nine; the very next day I was a mess. One minute, I was celebrating a great win; the next found me sitting on the couch with my wife, crying.

Her words burned in my ears. “You should think about seeing our doctor,” she said.

I liked my doctor but I really didn’t like going to see him. Every year, it was a battle to go for my annual physical. After some strong suggestions from my wife, I managed to call and get an appointment a few days later.

I’ll never forget sitting in the room, waiting. Everything was going alright, but when I heard the chart being pulled out of the mail slot and saw the doorknob turn, I fell apart.

Thankfully, my doctor is a caring and compassionate man filled with grace. This made it easier for me to talk to him. He began poking and prodding into my mind and heart, and I started to understand how the past 12 years of pastoral ministry had taken its toll on me. I would have never thought I would have been there, but I was broken.

I started describing how I was feeling. How I didn’t want to talk to anyone. How I didn’t want to answer the phone. How I always told my administrative assistant to say I was unavailable. How it felt like there was something around every corner just waiting to jump out and pounce on me. And how all this fear caused me to withdraw into a deep, dark and lonely shell, even though I used to always feel energized by being around people.

My doctor comforted me and reassured me that this happens to people in ministry. In fact, he was helping his pastor with similar feelings at the same time. “Randy,” he said, “I’ve known you for 12 years. Do you think that all those years of wearing your heart on your sleeve wouldn’t take its toll?”

As we talked, he helped me regain myself. Much of our discussion focused around what he called the four pillars of mental health, which all pastors should keep in mind:

1. Sleep. It’s critical to get seven or more hours of sleep per night and maintain good sleep hygiene.
2. Exercise. Ideally, you should work out four or five times a week for 20 minutes or more.
3. Diet. It’s important not to skip meals. When you do eat, add some fish to your diet and take a vitamin D supplement.
4. Encouragement. Find someone and have an uplifting, encouraging conversation. If you need to talk to someone right away, call our counselling department at Focus on the Family Canada by dialling 1-888-5-CLERGY.

Then, my doctor gave me an analogy that he knew would hit home. He asked me if I knew what the NOS button does in a race car. I said I knew that it provides a boost to the motor for a short time. He then asked what would happen if the driver of a race car held his finger on the NOS button.

“He would fry the motor,” I replied.

The look in my doctor's eyes said it all. I was holding the NOS button on my life’s own engine. And if I didn’t learn how to take my finger off that button, I would crash and make a big mess, not only in my life but in the church and community, too.

I’ve come a long way in the three years since that time, but I continue to keep the information and experience in the forefront of my mind. Those moments changed my life and I believe it has an impact in my ministry. I still have moments when I feel like I’m slipping back into that place, but now I have some practical tools that help me work through my feelings.

As I travel across the country and have an opportunity to meet with pastors from every region and every denomination, I’m amazed at the number of pastors I meet who are going through a similar experience. Ministry is very rewarding but it is also very lonely and hard. After a while, it wears on us all!

And that's part of why we've decided to embark on this cross-Canada Here to Hear tour. We love pastors and want to hear stories like these. Several of the staff at Focus on the Family are pastors, too, and we have a heart to bless and encourage other pastors as they pursue their calling to feed His sheep. We know that many are leaving the ministry because of wounds from the battle, so we want to help pastors take some time to come apart before they fall apart.

Jesus modeled this for us. After significant ministry opportunities, he withdrew to a quiet place. Mark 1 through 3 is a great example of this: “Jesus withdrew with His disciples to the sea, and a great crowd followed. . . . When the great crowd heard all that He was doing, they came to Him.  And He told His disciples to have a boat ready for Him because of the crowd, lest they crush Him.” (Mark 3:7-9, NIV)

The goal of the Here to Hear tour is twofold. First, we want to encourage you as you serve. Second, we want to hear what is happening in regards to the families in your home, church and community. We invite you to take some time out of your busy schedule to come and connect with us and with other church leaders in your area.

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