FocusOnTheFamily

The pastor . . . at home

Written by H.B. London Jr.

When my wife, Beverley, entered the ministry as a 21-year-old pastor’s wife, she had no idea what her role would be. In fact, she was not even sure she wanted to be a pastor’s wife. Over 31 years, she has learned a great lesson: The church would be better served, she would be happier and I would be more at ease if she only did what she did best: endeavour to be the best spouse, mother, wife and churchwoman she could be. Once she embraced this perspective, our home was much more harmonious. Roles for pastors and spouses are difficult to define and certain boundaries should be established.

First, every pastor’s spouse should be given the freedom to choose her role in the church. So unless she has decided otherwise, the pastor’s spouse is not an unpaid assistant who assumes duties that others refuse.

Second, responsibility in her home should be a top priority. The church will demand all you can give, and if you are not careful, your household will suffer.

When Beverley and I had kids, we raised our boys to know that we loved the church but we loved them even more. That did not always sit well with some of our congregation’s leadership, but to Beverley’s credit – not always mine – the boys came first.

Your children may follow you into ministry; in many cases, however, PKs shun the church because of the competition they felt for their parents’ affection and attention.

Third, the clergy families who seem most content are those who find the best balance. They acknowledge the importance of each family member and do not let the church become an excuse for negligent parenting.

Please do not forget that the Church is God’s church and the people are His people. Your role is to do as Peter admonished: “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers” (1 Peter 5:2). Remember they all belong to Him. These words from Titus sum it up well for clergy: “In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching (parenting) show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned” (Titus 2:7-8).

Who you are and how you conduct yourselves in the home speak louder than any sermon.

H.B. London Jr. is vice-president of church and clergy outreach at Focus on the Family in Colorado.

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