FocusOnTheFamily

Marriage on display

Written by Susan Graham Mathis

I watch them as they walk into church as though on their honeymoon, even though I know they’ve been married for decades – kind and tender toward one another, hand in hand, interacting sweetly.

A glance their way warms my heart; I just know they are in love and they enjoy being married.

Another couple – the man who walked into church five paces ahead of his wife – sits in the pew several inches apart and snip at each other throughout the service.

All too often I hear people say, “Why would I want to get married when all I’ve seen is how unhappy couples seem when they’re married?” Though none of us want to be hypocritical and act like a “perfect couple” when we’re not, many times we should leave our private struggles at home and remember how important it is to be a witness to the covenant God has called us to in marriage.

One godly couple was an example of marriage for me when I was single. I prayed that a relationship like theirs would come my way. When it did, my husband, Dale, and I vowed to be a good example to our children and single friends, and to model a healthy Christian marriage to those who’ve never known one.

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5: 1-2). When others observe that marriage is a wonderful, God-ordained union that reveals a part of His nature, they, too, may embrace God’s plan for marriage despite the negative impressions they’ve heard and the culture of divorce.

Godly attitude

Although imperfect, a marriage that shines through the world’s cynicism has a lot to do with the couple’s attitude. An exemplary marriage is seen in how a husband and wife treat each other with love and respect, whether in church, on a date or at home. It’s talking about marriage in a positive way. It’s speaking kindly about our spouse when he or she isn’t around – or speaking to our spouse with kindness.

The attitude we have about our marriage comes from the time we invest in our relationship, the attention we give to our mate and things we do to strengthen our marriage. As we sacrifice our personal desires for each other, we make a warm and safe place for our mate in the midst of life’s challenges. When we do all this, others see a Christian marriage as the sacred union God meant it to be, and this example can make them hungry for the same.

Life of service

Instead of living a life that’s “all about me,” being a spouse who selflessly serves is a blessing to your mate as well as to those who watch your relationship. When Dale and I married, every act of service was a conscious effort – whether it was doing the dishes together, weeding the garden or getting the oil changed.

Now, serving each other has become a healthy habit we rarely think about. If Dale washes the dishes, I pick up the towel to dry them. He picks up groceries without complaining; I cook a hot meal every day, even on workdays when I am tired. We also tell each other how much we appreciate the other’s service. By serving, we show how God wants us to live with Christlike love.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). Modelling a Christ-centred marriage is a daily choice, but as we set an example, we’ll show the world why marriage is a great plan – right from the heart of God.

Susan Mathis is the editorial director of Focus on the Family magazine in Colorado.

© 2007 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.