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When saying goodbye doesn’t mean the end
by Julie Vaughan
It was near the end of my senior year of college when Val, one of my closest friends, asked, “Do you think we’re going to stay in touch after graduation?” We were sitting with our other close friend, Kim, a fellow missionary kid I had roomed with all four years of college. Val looked expectedly at us, waiting for our answer. She was from the U.S. and had never left the country. I knew she expected us to quickly agree that yes, we would definitely stay in touch forever.
As I glanced at my fellow MK, I knew we were both thinking the same thing. Of course we would stay in touch for a little while, but, eventually, our friendship would fade away . . . just like all the other friendships we had formed in our many years on the mission field.
“Honestly, Val,” I said, “I think we’ll probably lose touch eventually.” Kim nodded in agreement. It’s not that we didn’t care about our friendship, but we knew from experience how hard it is to hang on to friends once distance separates you.
Oftentimes, MKs form friendships with other MKs, the children of international businesspeople or military kids – people who are constantly moving around. These friendships tend to come and go, following the “waves” of furloughs and transfers.
I wouldn’t say that we get used to saying goodbye, as if it’s easy to do. But I do believe that we MKs become accustomed to the reality that friends aren’t always permanent fixtures in our lives. The result is that we often tend to give up on friendships, fail to make an effort to stay in touch and even remain emotionally distant from others, telling ourselves: Why bother making friends? They’ll just move away anyway.
When I told Val that I didn’t think we would remain in contact through the years, it really hurt her. In her mind, our friendship was important enough to work at. When it came down to it, I believed the same . . . I just didn’t want to make the effort.
It’s been six years since that conversation; thankfully, I can say that the three of us have remained close friends. For the first time in my life, I made a conscious decision to work at maintaining a long-distance friendship. I’ve certainly failed at times to be diligent in responding to my friends’ emails or calling them back after I’ve missed a phone call. Sometimes I forget their birthdays or have a lag in communication for a month or so. But I have never given up – thankfully, none of us have.
As you continue on the wheel of hellos and goodbyes, make sure you pick a few special friends that you determine to hang on to. Write that email (even if it’s short and silly), make that call and never forget that investing in friendships – no matter how much distance separates you – is worth the effort.
Julie Vaughan was an MK in Pusan, South Korea, for 12 years. She currently lives in Vancouver, B.C., and works at Focus on the Family Canada as the online editor. She is also the associate editor for Focus on the Family Canada magazine. |
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Hi, my name is Karen and I’m a counsellor who was a missionary for many years. I understand some of the struggles MKs go through. If you have any questions or concerns you want to talk about, or if you’d just like someone to pray with you, please email or call me at 1-888-525-3749. It’s a free call and you can remain anonymous if you choose. I promise to listen and do my best to support you. If I don’t know the answer to a question, I’ll ask some MKs I know to help me with an answer.
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