by Geof Cornelsen, Director of Clergy Care - Focus on the Family Canada

A popular movie, by the same title, staring Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt came out in 2000. Mel Gibson, playing a chauvinistic executive, after having an accident, is suddenly able to hear women’s thoughts. After loosing a promotion to his colleague (Helen Hunt), Gibson attempts to make sense of his circumstances. Of course the love interest comes into play and by the end of the movie the two rivals fall head over heals in love with each other. Through the process, however, Gibson learns how to understand and treat women. Once he’s learned to get rid of his chauvinism, he looses the gift of hearing their thoughts—since he has become sensitive to women, he no longer needs the “gift.”

Why did this relatively low budget film do so well? How did this “chick-flick” get so many men to the theater? Certainly having Gibson and Hunt on the marquee didn’t hurt. But what also is clear is that the message in this movie struck some kind of chord. That chord of course being that deep down, not just women, but women and men alike, desire a deeper level of communication and intimacy with their partners.

As a pastor’s wife, no doubt, you have seen the havoc that lack of communication has wreaked in families within your neighbourhood or even church. It’s also likely that you have seen, lack of communication, at times, has added stress in your own marriage and family. Even if your husband is not a workaholic you know the strains put on your family by his work pressures and often your own involvement in the church. I have known of women who call themselves Sunday Widows. Their husbands are so overloaded on Sunday (and often other days) that they feel totally disconnected from their spouse. Having a pastor as a spouse often means feeling lonely and isolated.

At the Clergy Care Network Help Line (1-888-5-CLERGY) a full 60% of our calls from pastor’s wives are related to Marriage and Family Problems. Let me break those numbers down for you. 17.1% are related to various marriage problems; 15.7% have to do with parenting issues; 14.3% have to do with various family dysfunction issues; and 12.9% of the calls have to do with a husband who has been involved in some sort of sexual impropriety. Of these statistics you can pair the four categories into two main categories. Marriage problems and sexual impropriety issues and a second category, family and parenting issues. It is interesting to see the results when you add up all the totals. Of our female callers to date, 30% of them are concerned about Marriage/Sexual Impropriety issues and 30% are concerned with Family and Parenting issues.

So what do women want? Or more specifically, what do Pastoral Wives want? The resounding answer is that they want secure and intimate marriages and sound and healthy families. Ministry can be difficult on its own. Troubled marriages and families can make ministry miserable. There are lots of great resources out there to help you and your spouse either tune up your marriage and family or give both a complete overhaul. If, for any reason, you’re having trouble finding those resources, we at the Clergy Care Network would be more than happy to help. Please feel free to call us at 1-888-5-CLERGY.

God bless you all as you endeavor to keep your ministry and your family strong!