(The real opportunity to be a Positive and Effective Influencer)

by Al Saunders

Genesis Chapter 39 gives us the account of the encounter between Joseph and Potiphar’s wife. Most exhortations from this chapter focus on Joseph’s integrity and his resisting her advances toward him, and rightfully so. Joseph was indeed a man of integrity and did the right thing in resisting and fleeing from this temptation, even though temporarily it cost him dearly. As we know, had he succumbed to the temptation it would have cost him even more heartache and probably over a longer span of time. Be that as it may, I would like to take a different approach to this account.

Would any of this have happened if Potiphar had been taking care of business at home? Was his wife being starved for affection by his inattention to her? Was Potiphar so consumed with taking care of the needs associated with building the kingdom, that he was neglecting meeting the emotional and physical (sexual) needs of his wife? I certainly don’t have the answer to these questions, and I am not suggesting that if the answer was yes to all of these questions that they are a valid excuse for the actions of Potiphar’s wife. However, this scenario is a reality on a regular basis, not only in secular society, but in the marriages of born-again believers, including the marriages and homes of clergy.

In his September 2004 Barna Update, George Barna states: “…born-again Christians have the same likelihood of divorce as do non-Christians.” Barna’s survey also revealed that multiple divorces are also unexpectedly common among born-again Christians, with 23% of married born-agains getting divorced two or more times; and further, that among the largest Protestant groups, those most likely to get divorced were Pentecostals (44%) – while Presbyterians had the fewest (28%). It is also a sobering fact that consistently, over 50% of the calls coming from our clergy and families into the Ministerial Helpline are marriage and family related. And furthermore, ministers wives stand third in the number of nervous breakdowns, behind only Doctors and Psychiatrists wives.

So I ask the question – are we adequately taking care of business at home? Let me pose two premises to you:

Premise # 1: Ministers marriages/families are much like any other marriage:
• Same adjustments
• Same challenges
• Same struggles
• Same joys and pleasures

Premise # 2: Ministers marriages/families are unlike most other marriages:
• Fishbowl experience
• Expected to be role model
• Greater demands on time
• Greater vulnerability to temptation – number of opportunities

Thus – establish your priorities carefully and wisely and make sure you are adequately taking care of business at home – discerning and meeting the needs of your spouse and children.

So what does all this have to do with being an influencer? More than you perhaps can imagine. Not only will it influence the health and longevity of your marriage, but it can immensely affect and influence the future health of your children and grandchildren’s marriages. Furthermore, it can have a profound affect and influence on the marriages and families of your parishioners. I speak from experience, as Audrey and I have observed our children treating their spouses with the type of tenderness and affection that they have observed displayed between us over the years. And furthermore, we have also observed many couples in the various churches we have been privileged to Pastor, begin to emulate in their marriages the relationship they observed between Audrey and I. Please understand, this is not said in a boastful or haughty manner whatsoever, because we are far from perfect, but simply to point out that if you really want to do some effective lasting influencing – Take Care Of Business At Home – First!

Al Saunders is Founder and President of Family Life Ministries. www.familylifeministries.net