by Steve Wilson

Among the chaos that is the top of my desk, there is a picture. It is of me and my best friend Chris. From the moment we met there was a mysterious chemistry that produced a wonderful friendship. We walk with each other through frustrations, anxiety, pain and fear, but also through lots of laughter, exploration, competition and joy. We need each other.

It was so hard to pack up his house and watch him move his family to another province last year. It’s been months since he left and I am still getting over it. I am so thankful that the telephone, email and other wonderful technologies allow us to stay connected. Though we are separated, we continue to be an important part of each others lives. Chris is definitely a gift from God in my life.

A few weeks ago I went to the funeral of another good friend. He and I had met in bible college, participated in various projects and outreaches together, and continued our friendship after we graduated. God used him in so many ways in ministries that were effective and productive. His funeral was a remarkable event; it caused many in attendance to reflect on the meaning and importance of friendships.

My pastor, who led the funeral service, was his best friend. They had known each other since elementary school – over 35 years! I was amazed as I listened to my pastor speak of their friendship. Amazed at the depth of their friendship. Amazed at how they had been there for each other so often. Amazed that so many people I spoke with afterwards expressed a desire to have a friendship like that.

The five hour drive home was a quiet one as I thought about what I had heard that day. Though very sad, I was both inspired and grateful. At one point my wife leaned over and said, “I’m so glad you have Chris.”

As part of my role at Focus on the Family, I’m often invited to speak at a retreat or breakfast or church. It’s a great opportunity to meet and spend time with pastors. I am often surprised that they share so deeply with me even if it’s a few minutes over coffee. I know that Focus on the Family is a trusted organization, but I get the feeling that there is a great lack of friendship in many pastors’ lives.

I wish every pastor I met had a “Chris”. It is vital to have a real friend you can laugh with, hang out with, and share your heart with. Ecclesiastes 4:10 affirms that God has created us to need the support of others in our life: “If one falls down his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him get up!”

What a blessing it is when there issomeone who can help you up when you are struggling and weary. We also need friends to bounce ideas off each other and to give advice and support: “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense” (Prov. 27:9). Can you think of someone in your life right now who could be such a friend?

John Ortberg and Dr. Larry Crabb have each written about the value and importance of friendships. I highly recommend Dr. Crabb’s The Safest Place On Earth. He makes a compelling case for developing a community of real friends who listen, encourage and nurture each other, and who accept each other for who they really are. My hope is that reading this book or this article on friendship will not simply be an intellectual exercise, but that you will recognize the need for deep friendship. We all need a friend, a real friend. I pray that you will find the courage to take that first step of trust in a relationship that has potential. Or that you will decide to reconnect with someone you have not talked with for a long time. Or that you will simply recognize and value a current friendship as a great gift from God.

In his book With God On The Golf Course, Phil Callaway quotes Margaret Runbeck when she says, “A man leaves all kinds of footprints . . . Some you can see. . . others are invisible, like the prints he leaves across other people’s lives.” Everyone needs the tracks of friendship in their lives. Those of us in ministry are especially blessed when we are covered in friendship. We are not excluded from this need!

Pastor, I challenge you today to take a heartfelt look at your relationships. If you do not see the tracks of friendship in your life, I implore you to take steps to develop deeper relationships with others of the same gender. Is there someone you’ve been meaning to invite over to watch the game on TV? Is there someone you’d enjoy spending an afternoon with? Is there someone who could be a source of encouragement, wisdom and prayer support for you? Who in your life is God nudging you to reach out to and initiate a friendship? I encourage you to reach out to someone this week. May the Lord bless you with a good friend and grant others the blessing of your friendship!

Steve Wilson works for Focus on the Family Canada and is a speaker at many community and church events. He is thankful to be able to call his wife Lois his friend, and to also count several men in his life as close companions. Most of all, He is grateful that Jesus considers him and each one of us His friend.